Monthly Archives: June 2012

Euro 2012: Forward Thinking

I don’t want anyone to win Euro 2012. In a way I genuinely hope Germans, the Italians and now Spain all get done for match fixing. And while we’re at it I hope Sepp Blatter suffers multiple kidney stones.

I seem to despise any country that’s successful and isn’t English, much like most England fans to be fair, except I’m the only one that admits it. The Spanish side are constantly diving, Italy are cheaters and Germany are well… Germany. The disappointment of England bombing out of Euro 2012 was on par with hearing the BBC were going to cover the rest of the games – devestating news.

Alan Hansen actually has a lever on the back of his head that needs rewinding after each piece of coverage, as BBC viewers apparently can’t get enough of hearing his recycled verbal garbage that holds about as much originality as ITV2’s overwhelmingly terrible reality series ‘Mark Wrights Hollywood Nights’.

Despite commentators constantly drooling over Spain’s flowing,  beautiful but frequently boring style of play as well as practically ever other European side bar England, noone has been wonderful at Euro 2012. Germany had a decent quarter final but let’s not forget they were playing a Greek side about as interested as David Cameron is in his daughter while he’s at the pub.

Hodgson after Ashley Youngs penalty miss.

That being said England were embarrassing.  I’ve never known a team try so hard to ignore Andrea Pirlo and not get beat. Apparently his stench was so great England needed to stay at least seven yards away to avoid shriveling up and passing out.

But being the positive, forward thinking and optimistic man that I am I do believe Englands solid defensive displays are definitely something to build on in the future. The back four looked extremely organised and will hopefully prove to be a tough nut to crack in future tournaments. If we manage this, teach Ashley Young how to pass and ditch the overrated ogre that is Wayne Rooney we may have a chance at the world cup in 2014.

We just need to avoid Sweden, Italy, Germany, Portugal and probably Spain.


Taken Should Not be a Good Film.

Taken 2 Poster

Upon hearing the well documented news that there is to be a sequel to the 2008 action flick ‘Taken’, I feel this is the perfect time to express my opinion on the semi – heroic death machine that is Bryan Mills and his quite stunning ability to dodge the police or in-fact any form of consequence for his downright disgusting treatment of the Albanian mafia.

The film features a retired CIA field operative that might as well have been given 96 hours to hunt Osama Bin Laden based on his ability to find entirely anonymous kidnappers purely from them uttering two words on a mobile phone. But not only does this man not miss a shot, he also has the uncanny ability to board commercial airlines back to the USA after practically diminishing the Albanian population and scaring Paris sh*tless.

People shouldn’t remember a movie with such cliche’d action sequences and plot about as complicated as a new episode of Mickey Mouse’s Clubhouse, but they do, and this may be the reason it’s so popular. People enjoy watching the screen like stale vegetables gazing at an ageing man with a seemingly endless arsenal of cool one-liners. There is no thought or effort in this. Just shiny explosions and middle eastern bad guys getting shot by a man who also happens to be Zeus and that bloke from Star Wars: The Phantom Menace (the crap one).

Mills hunting those ever problematic Albanians. Is that racist?

However, after all the obvious flaws with this film I can’t help but be excited for the sequel. When I heard they had plans for a “Taken 2” I was dreading a story similar to what the Hangover did, basically take the same film and put it in a different country without adding to the formula at all because “if it ain’t broke don’t fix it”. But the trailer has actually given us a reason to want more from the Neesonater, and to see what those pesky Albanians are up to this time. It’s also made me curious to see what his seemingly useless daughter will add to Brian “Rambo” Mills ploy, and also whether she’s still a virgin or not. These questions need answering.

Slightly off topic but I can’t help but wonder that if put to the task, would he be able to find this guy?

Just a thought.