A few months ago if you told someone you were into a video game which happens to include dragons, magic spells, elves and other mythical beings you’d be instantly condemned to humiliation and immediate sexual rejection and stigma.
You kept it secret for many years, keeping it in your closet to conceal your erection for all things dungeons and dragons that was so painfully visible to the world and annoyingly rubbing on your comfort pants that you’ve now worn far too many times without washing.
But now it’s over. A game has been spawned that has saved your social life and granted you the confidence and right of passage to speak to those creatures you know so little about, those you have always known of, but also always feared. Girls.
They are now forced to at least look at your confidence drained, pimple populated and scarily lonely figure instead of looking straight through you at the kind’ve guy who thinks its cool to take pictures of himself in the mirror and post them on facebook.
Before, you avoided girls just like you did the mighty dragons at level 5. But now you destroy their walls of intimidation and absorb the lessons they teach you when they awkwardly ask who you are as you randomly approach them on Valentines Day or grudgingly inquire if it’s in yet.
It’s safe to say though now girls are much less of an issue. And rather surprisingly, so are the haters as the small minority of people who make fun of others for playing Skyrim are now severely outnumbered and are quickly banished to social Oblivion (sorry).
But Skyrim has pretty much made its way into video game folklore over the last couple of months. It’s probably the most addictive video game since Kratos from God of War got so hot and heavy in the bedroom he decided to incorporate his romps into a kid friendly mini-adventure involving a waiting blonde and a whole lot of player guilt for getting so excited about it.
I’m sure so many male gamers have searched for something like this in Skyrim. Not me though. Definitely not.
Awful in-blog video game references increased to 85.
Exaggeration increased to 100.